Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Center

What does your life revolve around? Is it something you cherish? Someone you love or fear? Is it simply me, myself and I? How do we know what is the center? Center indicates balance, equality from every side, the main part of something or the focus of attention. In everyday life, what becomes our axis?

Many times, I am the centre of my life. The things I do, think or say is simply about me – what gratifies my desires and fulfills my wants. It is about what I want, when I want, to get what I want. It could be choosing to indulge a little longer on the television at the expense of devotion time – when I’m tired, entertaining myself in front of that idiot box seems more enticing than studying the Bible. Or even feeling unfair that I have to help someone when I had it the hard way, all alone, when I crossed that path. It could be desiring something that is not right. Plainly put, it is being selfish.

There were times, my life focused on people. What he or she thought mattered the most – out of love, and out of fear, at the expense of self. I would be willing to sacrifice my own desires to comply to theirs. Attachments to them – not to hurt or lose them. Fearing them – to maintain the status quo. Even when they were not there in front of me to see my actions and decisions, the thought of them would be a serious consideration. It was really tough, and pleasing people definitely placed my life lopsided on the weighing scale.

I remember days when I concentrated on things I valued as a child. Among my lowly priced possessions were things I really cherished. They were cheap or even cost nothing, but totally irreplaceable. Things like a plant where I buried my little pet fish, or my favourite book or dress, or that heart-shaped rock that someone picked up for me at the beach. Then when it was given away, accidentally discarded or damaged by my family (without intentional hurt) I would get all upset, and remind them of their wrongs at every opportunity. And that behavior would affect my relationships with those around me. In short, I cared more about the things than the person.

While I have always tried to make Christ the center of my life, many times the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. There is a constant struggle between the self and the soul. The flesh and the spirit are always at odds against each other, and we have to make that decision which we allow to win. It’s like Spiderman choosing to be good or bad. I ask myself, if I have to struggle, does it mean I am a weak Christian? I think it simply means I am human. It is human nature to know what is right but want what is wrong – temptations on the journey to submit to the Spirit

In fact, if I don’t struggle, it would mean that I have allowed myself to become accustomed against my conscience. It’s like entering a room that reeks with insecticide. At first your senses detect a pungent smell. But if you sit in that room long enough, you’d smell nothing at all, while you are unwittingly being poisoned bit by bit.

It’s important to chose correctly what becomes the center of our life, for it affects every single aspect of living – right from the desire in our heart, the thought in our mind, the words we say and to the actions we take. The right center will create a harmonious relationship with everything around it. It is tough and requires a lot of discipline, but exciting nonetheless - a sense of accomplishment to win the battle. To me, the greatest enemy is self.

-JJ, 2008-

Galatians 2:20 (The Bible, New International Version)

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Teach us to number our days aright

It has been a series of unfortunate and bizarre events for some at my workplace, lately. Two of my staff experienced loss of loved ones in the same week. Then a close friend met with an accident (thank God, left unharmed though vehicle quite badly damaged) and his wife was admitted in hospital a few days later for asthmatic attack. Another staff had a complicated, first time pregnancy, whereby a fibroid and the child were growing at the same rate, and an operation was too risky. All of a sudden she has a natural delivery being only 6 months due, and her premature child is only 600 grams. The turn of events is all so unexpected.

I’ve been learning how to deal with occurrences like this – being in Management, it’s part of my responsibility to be a representative at the funeral and in the hospital, just as when attending joyous occasions and functions. When I first started on this job and had to attend a funeral, I would start getting all worried. Not that I didn’t sympathize with the family or didn’t want to go (I really did), but because I couldn’t bear to see that face I knew crying in grief. I feared not knowing the words to say, or what to do in an unfamiliar place and crowd during such a depressing period. Furthermore, being the odd one out in such occasions, culture was also an element that intimidated me. I’m also usually the rose among the thorns, so I would have to sit elsewhere while the guys in another corner. I would always make sure I followed the lead of some older person, and just sit quietly, and talk if others speak.

Being in moments of silence can feel like forever, and it makes you reflect upon the brevity of life. To do what you can and have to do in the time that is given to you, is in fact, the only chance you’ve got. Some faiths profess reincarnation, but being a Christian, one life is all you’ve got. Sitting there in the midst of sorrow, you know that life goes on for the bereaved, but it will never be the same. It is heart wrenching to hear little ones say their father is sleeping, or that their mother has gone far away as they run around playing; oblivious to the painful truth of death. Sitting there in silence is the only thing I could do.

I never thought much of my silent presence, until my bereaved staff made it a point to come up and say ‘thank you’; trying to put up a strong front, fighting back the tears while the casket was taken away, as I was disappearing among the crowd. It made me realize that no words can ever take away the sadness of loss, but just being there shows you care.

In the hospitals for less serious incidents, it is a whole lot easier to deal with emotionally. Just taking the time to cheer them up a little actually means a lot. A trip to the hospital also reminds me that we are not super humans who will always be full control, or have life our way all the time. Accidents may happen and sicknesses may leave us dependent upon someone else’s strength – whatever age. Some things in life are not for us to choose.

At the end of the day, it’s all about making the best out of what is given to us. It doesn’t matter how long we live, but how well we have lived. It weighs down to fulfilling God’s purpose in our generation - what we leave behind for others, for we take nothing with us. It is how much we have loved.

Ecclesiastes 7:2 (New Living Translation)
Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties. After all, everyone dies—so the living should take this to heart.

Psalm 90:12 (New Living Translation)
Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.