The Center

What does your life revolve around? Is it something you cherish? Someone you love or fear? Is it simply me, myself and I? How do we know what is the center? Center indicates balance, equality from every side, the main part of something or the focus of attention. In everyday life, what becomes our axis?

Many times, I am the centre of my life. The things I do, think or say is simply about me – what gratifies my desires and fulfills my wants. It is about what I want, when I want, to get what I want. It could be choosing to indulge a little longer on the television at the expense of devotion time – when I’m tired, entertaining myself in front of that idiot box seems more enticing than studying the Bible. Or even feeling unfair that I have to help someone when I had it the hard way, all alone, when I crossed that path. It could be desiring something that is not right. Plainly put, it is being selfish.

There were times, my life focused on people. What he or she thought mattered the most – out of love, and out of fear, at the expense of self. I would be willing to sacrifice my own desires to comply to theirs. Attachments to them – not to hurt or lose them. Fearing them – to maintain the status quo. Even when they were not there in front of me to see my actions and decisions, the thought of them would be a serious consideration. It was really tough, and pleasing people definitely placed my life lopsided on the weighing scale.

I remember days when I concentrated on things I valued as a child. Among my lowly priced possessions were things I really cherished. They were cheap or even cost nothing, but totally irreplaceable. Things like a plant where I buried my little pet fish, or my favourite book or dress, or that heart-shaped rock that someone picked up for me at the beach. Then when it was given away, accidentally discarded or damaged by my family (without intentional hurt) I would get all upset, and remind them of their wrongs at every opportunity. And that behavior would affect my relationships with those around me. In short, I cared more about the things than the person.

While I have always tried to make Christ the center of my life, many times the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. There is a constant struggle between the self and the soul. The flesh and the spirit are always at odds against each other, and we have to make that decision which we allow to win. It’s like Spiderman choosing to be good or bad. I ask myself, if I have to struggle, does it mean I am a weak Christian? I think it simply means I am human. It is human nature to know what is right but want what is wrong – temptations on the journey to submit to the Spirit

In fact, if I don’t struggle, it would mean that I have allowed myself to become accustomed against my conscience. It’s like entering a room that reeks with insecticide. At first your senses detect a pungent smell. But if you sit in that room long enough, you’d smell nothing at all, while you are unwittingly being poisoned bit by bit.

It’s important to chose correctly what becomes the center of our life, for it affects every single aspect of living – right from the desire in our heart, the thought in our mind, the words we say and to the actions we take. The right center will create a harmonious relationship with everything around it. It is tough and requires a lot of discipline, but exciting nonetheless - a sense of accomplishment to win the battle. To me, the greatest enemy is self.

-JJ, 2008-

Galatians 2:20 (The Bible, New International Version)

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.