Is Age Really Just A Number?

A 17 year old falling for a 24 year old? Is that acceptable, or more of a forbidden love?If the latter is a guy and the former, a girl, it would probably be alright. But what if it’s the other way round?Marriages between 2 people of ages apart, have been an acceptable practice since the time of our ancestors. In the olden Chinese culture, a 5 year old boy could be betrothed to a 17 year old girl or vice versa. In the Indian and Malay culture, we might find our great-grandparents being up to 20 years apart, in a very blissful marriage. Generally speaking, the husband is older than the wife. However, lately, age is seen as just a number to many. But is it, really?

Is it possible for an older girl (more than 5 years difference) to have a happy marriage with a younger boy? Consider this: 17 year old boy (John) falls in love with a 24 year old girl (Jane). John is still schooling. Jane is working. When do they want to get married? When John is 24? That makes Jane 31. When do they plan to have children? Does John really want to become a father immediately upon marriage? If Jane waits longer to conceive, won’t she pass her ripe age of fertility? A switch of roles, it is, as I see it. Jane would be the bread winner for a couple of years till he completes his studies. What about Jane’s own plans for future advancement? John would be just establishing his career. Can they really manage everything (finance, studies, children etc.) well?

If we look at it in terms of mental and emotional commitment, who can guarantee whether or not either will have a change of heart? If Jane abandons John when she’s 26, John still won’t lack suitors. As John grows up and matures in thinking, his feelings and opinions may change. If John fall in love with a younger college girl when he’s 22, that’s easy for him. But that leaves Jane single at 29. To really nurture a new relationship instead of rushing into marriage will take a few years. Again, she would probably marry at 31. While 31 is not exactly very old, it is not an age where a girl would be on top of the list in a proposal hunt either. Also think about the emotional anguish and the issue of trust that would impact on both of them, in future relationships with others, if ever.

Consider another case where Angeline is 24 and Sean is 37. At what age do they plan to marry? Is Angeline willing to become a mother, immediately upon marriage, just because age is catching up with Sean? Can Sean really wait longer? What becomes of Sean is Angeline suddenly leaves, as she’s still young? Are they both financially stable? Is it really practical and ethical for a couple to be ages apart?

We must also remember that society plays a part in influencing us. Will what others say eventually have an impact on the couple who is ages apart, and their children? If they believe they wont’t be bothered, that's fine. But are they really sure?

What about the issue of faithfulness upon marriage? 10 years down the road, beyond the first night and beautiful romances, when beauty fades and health decays, will they truly all happiness and sorrows share? Or will someone else offer more satisfaction to the eyes and body?

A very dear person once said “Love blinds. When love is true, looks and beauty doesn’t matter at all. The purity of the heart does it all…Love is pure and divine. Age is just a number.” Truly beautifully said. But for that to happen, a great deal of sacrifices need to be made…Happy are those to whom true love comes their way.

As for the answers to all my other questions, age is more than just a number. For the rest, only time can tell. If you ask me, in the position of the older girl, I would say, “ If you love someone (way much younger), let him go and see the world. Let him learn, and let him love. Give him more options so that he'll not regret a decision he made during the foolishness of youth. As we all know, feelings are just temporary, and change is constant.. If he still returns (I doubt it:P), you’ll know it’s true. If not, it’s nice to know a friend passed by your way...for his happiness, you can pray.”

Only those whose heart are bound to the Lord’s will be able to truly commit themselves to each other; to survive all the tests that will come with a relationship, what’s more for one beyond the norm of society. Hopefully, true love finds us all, God willing!

Friendships Never End

I remember 6 months ago, when I completed my training in KL and had to head back to Kuantan for long-term work, my heart ached as I had to leave my friends with whom I had weathered rain and sunshine, literally. There was comfort, however, knowing that one of those good friends would be returning to Kuantan too. Today, my I feel exactly that same way again as he gets his long awaited transfer and leaves Kuantan for good.

This friend (some call him J) and I were in Kuantan, but different Ministries, prior to the training but we never spoke more than "Hi's" and "Byes" at church. During the training, we were grouped together, and that is how the threads of acquaintances among a bunch of us was weaved into beautiful colours. It's funny sometimes to think that since we returned from training and not attending the same chuch anymore, J became my best friend in Kuantan.

During the most streneous tasks in Police, Army and Fire training, J displayed his 'super-hero' qualities, being among the swiftest in running, most agile in climbing and strongest physically despite lean built. After almost every obstacle which most of us were half-dying, we would hear him say, "It's not challenging enough!"

There's one incident when J was my mountain climbing buddy (Army training) that I'll never forget in my whole life, I believe ; the time when J was hanging onto dear life on the cliff of a mountain in Johor Bahru, after posing for a picture. He leaned against a fragile branch and fell off the cliff, only holding a stump, nothing but his head and arm in view. In panic and fear, I was shouting out his name until few other guys came to his rescue, thank god. I can't imagine the consequences otherwise.

J has always helped me in times of need, esspecially in driving me to bus terminal, in a place where public transportation is scarce. I'll also miss those irregular meals we had together when we were free. And the nice feeling that there will be a familiar face during tea-breaks in the crowd of state meetings from various departments.When I was facing difficult tasks and people at work, J was there to support and advice. Frank in nature and firm in what he believes, his opinions are worth listening to, not necessarily meaning that I agree with everthing he says:P...He's someone you can count on...Little things like not cancelling our lunch appointment although he had eaten his fill at an open house, and coming out of the way to fetch me tells me of what a good friend I've found.

J was awaiting his transfer since the beginning and I just knew he would get it soon. When I prayed for his transfer, I knew that my prayers indirectly would leave me very much alone; no trustworthy colleague in the same service, in the same town, to discuss work matters that others might not understand. No game of chess or Chinese noodles on those long Friday noon breaks. Well, technology can seal the gaps of distance, but it'll never be the same...Turns out to be sooner than expected...but I'm really happy for him and his wife:)....Very Biblical; it's not good f0r man to be alone:P

By the way, he just got married to a very pretty lady (K)!:)

J, Congratulations once again my friend! Thank you for making time to let me meet up with your wonderful wife! All the best to you!

Anyway, I just want to take this opportunity to thank J for EVERYTHING!..And I just realized something: J did help me find another 'Best Friend' shortly before he left....He helped me buy my guitar, which has become my faithful companion every day...and as for the rest, God always provides:)

An old saying goes:

"A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter, he who finds one finds a treasure"

I thank God for ALL the ones He lead my way. The footprints will remain forever. Take care.